normal A Bard's Request

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14 Feb 2018 19:57 #1 by Sindarion
Sindarion created the topic: A Bard's Request
Anyone know any good jokes?

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14 Feb 2018 20:09 #2 by Captain Cade Tanwyn
Captain Cade Tanwyn replied the topic: A Bard's Request
What sort of bug is good at banking?

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14 Feb 2018 20:46 #3 by Nalick
Nalick replied the topic: A Bard's Request
Travancian military strategy.

C.H.

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14 Feb 2018 21:32 #4 by Sergei Petsho
Sergei Petsho replied the topic: A Bard's Request
Two nuns are walking down the street.

One walks into a bar.

The other ducks.


-Aengus

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14 Feb 2018 23:53 #5 by Sindarion
Sindarion replied the topic: A Bard's Request
That was the most painful joke I've ever heard, bar none.

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15 Feb 2018 00:21 #6 by sonya
sonya replied the topic: A Bard's Request
Do you know how much pirate's corn costs?

...

A buck an ear!

---Brik

oog - sonya m.
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15 Feb 2018 18:56 #7 by Sindarion
Sindarion replied the topic: A Bard's Request
It costs a whole deer for an ear?
Looks like I better practice making doe eyes at the local merchants.

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15 Feb 2018 21:02 #8 by Father Ephrem
Father Ephrem replied the topic: A Bard's Request
Sindarion once again fawning at the local merchants.

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16 Feb 2018 13:08 #9 by Ravyn Defessa Aeronwen
Ravyn Defessa Aeronwen replied the topic: A Bard's Request
Deeply exhaling indicates a negative mood – at least that’s what sighentists say.

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17 Feb 2018 02:16 #10 by Kaiva
Kaiva replied the topic: A Bard's Request
Two peanuts were walking down the path. One was a salted.



“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”





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17 Feb 2018 02:23 #11 by Burkhart Jarlson
Burkhart Jarlson replied the topic: A Bard's Request
A northerner just made his way south from his tribe up north. He sits in a bar, drinking ale and telling the bar wench about the different furs he is wearing and how he gained them.

The wench points to the large pelt on his back and asks "what's that fur?"

"That was a bear that attacked me on my first night away from home. It wanted to eat me, i ended up eating it."

She pointed to the matching furs wrapped around his leg and asked "what's that fur?"

"That was a wolf that tried to take the food from my camp. It didn't get very far."

She pointed to the rabbit pelt hanging from the front of his belt and asked "what's that fur?"

With a smirk he looked up at her and said "Darling, you meet me in my room with another bottle of ale and i'll be happy to show you what that's fur."

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17 Feb 2018 19:34 #12 by Ninnyhammer
Ninnyhammer replied the topic: A Bard's Request
There are many breeds of humor, all of which I won't attempt to list. That being said...

There's puns,
"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs laying in front of a door?" "Matt"
"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in a lake?" "Bob"
"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting in a hole?" "Phil"
Dark humor,
"Mommy, why are we pushing the carriage off the cliff?"
"Be quiet, you'll wake your father.”
Story-based humor,

A man is careening through the winding streets of Bordertown in his carriage when an officer of the law slows him and pulls him to the side. He asks the man if he’s aware of how fast he’d been urging his horse when the man professes to be blind drunk. “Well sir that’s just untenable,” says the officer, “I’ll have to put you in a cell for the night.” “Certainly,” says the man, “so long as you don’t tell any one about all the drugs I’ve smuggled in my carriage.” “Sir!” the officer exclaims, “I can’t believe you’d admit to such a crime!” “Well to be honest officer, I’m more concered about the man I have inside, bound by the hands and feet.” “That’s it,” says the officer, “I’ll have to summon my superior to sort you out.”

Half an hour later, as the superior officer is inspecting the carriage he says to the culprit, “My subordinate officer reported a number of offences, but I’ve found no drugs, no bound man, and by all accounts you appear to be perfectly sober.”

And the arrested man smiles and says, “I bet he told you I had been driving my carriage too fast, too.”
Antagonistic humor,
"Why do dwarves have such big nostrils?"
"Because they have big fingers."

"What do you throw to a drowning Khitanese lord?"
"His wife and children!"
(On second thought, this really goes over better with Coast Haveners.
I once saw a duke from Faust nearly choke on a chicken bone over this one.
Pity that he managed to spit it back up.)

Lira Ninnyhammer
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18 Feb 2018 02:33 #13 by Aleister
Aleister replied the topic: A Bard's Request
Where does General Magnus keep his armies?
In his sleevies.

Two muffins are sitting in an oven.
One turns to the other and says, "Man, it is hot in here..."
The other turns back and says "HOLY GODS A TALKING MUFFIN"

A horse walks into a bar. The patrons calmly and quickly exit the premises, spotting the potential danger of the situation.

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27 Feb 2018 10:06 #14 by Fenris Nattulv
Fenris Nattulv replied the topic: A Bard's Request
The numbers 1, 3, 5, And 7 wall into a bar. The barkeep says “Well, that’s odd.”

-Vlad

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27 Feb 2018 11:01 #15 by Leliana
Leliana replied the topic: A Bard's Request
Are you just here to lute my puns?


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03 Mar 2018 10:13 #16 by Midori Suarez
Midori Suarez replied the topic: A Bard's Request
When I see a Wendigo, that's how I know Wendigo away.

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